Coronation Street Monthly Update

The Victoria Court flats are officially opened with a champagne reception served by a tiny skirt with Rosie Webster in it. Dev takes the keys to his new flat up in the sky while Nina, wife of his business partner Prem, makes it clear she wants to rock Dev’s world in a way Dev’s world has never rocked before. Well, not since he dived under the duvet with Deirdre. Aging Bollywood beauty Nina takes Dev away for a dirty weekend where he ends up playing golf in their hotel room. If only it’d been a crazy course instead, he could have got the ball through the hole in the windmill, made Nina’s lights flash, sails spin and receive a token for another free try. When Dev tries to cool things with Nina she warns him that if he dumps her, she will tell Prem to cut him out of the Manchester Asian Business Network. “I’m urging you, as your goddess, to have a rethink,” she purred. And that’s a line I plan to drop into conversation at the soonest.

“D’ya fancy having a Deirdre in the back yard?” Ken asks his wife this month. “You what?” I said out loud at the telly. “You what?” says Deirdre in surprise. Apparently, to “have a Deirdre” is to have a drink of wine in like, really, really big glasses. I don’t think you have to wear the glasses, you just drink from them, but I could be wrong.

Vernon goes all out to get Liz back this month. He takes time away from work in the caff to write special song lyrics to try to woo Liz. One song’s called Ice and a Slice (Of my Heart). He’s big on brackets, is Vernon, but the song doesn’t make much of an impact on Liz, brackets or not.

Tyrone’s mum Jackie Dobbs returns and fleeces Tyrone and Molly of their wedding funds after Scary Brian (he’s scary, he’s called Brian, he does exactly what it says on the tin plate in his head) threatens to beat her up for not paying her debts. At least, that’s what Jackie tells Tyrone but the truth is that she’s had a boob job in Spain and needs to clear her cleavage cost. With no work at Kev’s garage, Tyrone turns to selling his body for medical research to earn some cash.

In the café, Roy returns from visiting Hayley abroad and ruins Vernon’s dream of turning Roy’s Rolls into the Weatherfield version of a Hard Rock café. I guess we’ll never know if a Hard Luck Chuck Café would have set the North alight.

Over at the Streetcars office, it’s John Stape’s turn to sit in the Streetcars seat of shame and confess all to Eileen. She knows, you know, does Eileen, I think she’s a white witch. She knows who’s putting the smile on John’s face but it’s not Eileen’s place to criticise or condemn, that’s left to us Corrie fans as John and Fiz get close and kiss once again. Living rooms up and down the country hummed to Corrie fans tutting and saying “Oh no, Fiz, no.”

As Emily knits legwarmers for the church pilates class, Norris rifles through her drawers and finds racy photos of Rita. What’s to do? Was Emily’s very own Ernest taking saucy snaps of Rita all those years ago? And if so, why has Emily kept them in an envelope marked ‘Not to be opened until after my death’? He tells Rita what he’s found because Norris can never keep owt to himself and Rita wants to tell Emily but she can’t bring herself to talk about it for fear of upsetting her friend. Rita and Norris have a big falling out in the Kabin and Norris throbs with guilt.

Lima’s cousin Tom’s got money worries when their LadsRags business gets turned down for a bank loan. The lads need the cash as they reckon they could be onto a winner with an exclusive contract from an American company selling t-shirts for men. Carla Connor steps up to play banker, ensuring she’s once again got control of Liam, just the way she likes it. And just remember, guys: LadsRags, because you’re worth it.

PS: Glenda Young has updated the official ITV novel Coronation Street Saga with storylines from 2003 to date. The book was originally written by Katherine Hardy and the updated version is now available via amazon.com. Glenda says if you squint hard enough you can find her name in tiny print on an inside page.

glenda.young@btinternet.com

http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com

Glenda Young