This month, we go from a Rhinestone Cowboy to a Diamond Geezer: From the ridiculous to the sublime. Let’s start with the ridiculous...

Minty and Heather continue with this absurd wedding magazine contest, with Heather pretending to be Hazel. They plan to actually go through with a wedding to win the prize of £10,000, which they will split, before they split up. But as they plan their insane cowboy-themed nuptials, annoying Heather has truly fallen for hapless Minty, and thinks of this as her dream wedding. The clucking biddies in the Square don’t approve when they hear the marriage will be a sham, with some voicing their disapproval and others just hoping to get free drinks and a punch-up in the Vic out of it. But on the day of the wedding, (wouldn’t you know it), when Hazel shows up, claiming to have realized what she lost, and tells Minty she wants him back, he shocks them all and chooses Heather! Wackadoodle! The wedding goes on, as does the reception, with Minty telling everyone that he truly DOES love Heather. Then he realizes that he has to actually sleep with her, and a look of horror crosses his usually confused face...

Steven Beale realizes he’s gay, and tries to fight it by pretending to want Stacy. Stacy doesn’t notice, largely because she’s only pretending to like Steven to get back at Bradley. Steven is actually attracted to Jane’s brother, Christian, and through a series of misunderstandings (that only happen on TV), Steven ends up naked, in Christian’s flat, waiting for Stacy (who is delayed –  natch), and the two men share a passionate kiss. We’re not quite sure if they share more because EE never shows the good stuff (not that watching pasty Londoners get it on could technically be considered good stuff). But afterwards Steven makes a bigger show of trying to make everyone think he has slept with Stacy, making Ian quite proud...

Elsewhere...Lucy is still missing...Max is still gone and Tanya grows closer to his brother, Jack (who’s still dating Ronnie, has a one-night stand with her sister Roxy, before dumping both for Tanya)...Sean torments Gus; first moving (unwanted) into Gus’ apartment, then making Gus think he turned Wellard into stew, then tricking Gus’ date into sleeping with him, then tossing Gus out, then lets him back in but demands he quit his job and leave the Square. We can’t understand why sweet Gus doesn’t just call the old Bill. We also can’t figure out how Sean seemed so sweet only a month ago (when he thought Tanya loved him) and is now totally psychotic...

But the biggest, and saddest, story in the Square this month is where art meets life: A week long tribute to the wonderful Mike Reid, who died, in real life, last July. Pat is planning to sell her house and move to Spain. But suddenly, Ricky and Diane Butcher show up looking for her, and they have bad news: Frank has died and they wanted to let her know. They are there to carry out his wishes for a funeral in Albert Square where, he said, his heart lies. In the lead up to the funeral Pat and Peggy argue, and have a slap fight for old times, with Peggy insisting that Frank never loved anyone. This hurts Pat who still, after all these years, carries a torch for him, her first love. Pat is upset that Ricky and Diane didn’t contact her before he died so she could say goodbye. They give her a gift he instructed them to give her, for her to open when she is alone. It is his spinning bowtie; the one he wore when he showed up on her doorstep naked to rekindle their relationship (and while they were both still married – to Roy, and Peggy). It brings a smile to her face and ours as we see a few classic clips of The Way They Were; Pat and Frank, the Katie and Hubble of Albert Square.

At the funeral, the tears were real as everyone was mourning the character as well as the man. Pat wears red, because Frank loved her in it. Ricky is upset because he can’t reach Bianca and wanted Liam to be there. Also, Janine shows up for her inheritance, which turns out to be just her gran Mo’s diary of family stories. He also leaves Ricky a tool kit; Diane, a portfolio of her old artwork; cash to Peggy, with instructions that it is for a round in the Vic; and to Pat, and picture of them at their wedding with “The Happiest Day of My Life” written on the back. There is no money left in the estate. His request is for his ashes to be scattered in the gardens in the Square, and so they do. And afterwards, Pat realizes that she can’t leave the Square because her heart lies there as well...

It was all the fitting tribute to the irreplaceable Diamond Geezer, Mike Reid. Hard to believe that Frank won’t come sauntering back into the Square again...

And in another part of town, Bianca is having troubles of her own. Now with four kids in tow (three hers, by different men, and one a step daughter collected along the way), she’s been thrown out of her flat and they are on the street. When the old Bill tries to help her, she punches a cop and gets hauled off to the nick and her kids get taken into care. After she gets out, in desperation, she turns up on granma Pat’s doorstep at first to steal, then to live, at least temporarily, to get her kids back (now with the help of Ricky who has broken up with the fiancé he had with him at the funeral). As she tries to get herself back together, she screams her way across the Square. Just like old times (and aren’t we glad about that!)...

Attention to all you EastEnders fans in the Washington DC area: PBS station WETA will be holding an on-air EastEnders Pledge Night on Saturday, August 2. WETA has proved itself to be a great friend to the EastEnders audience. Two years ago EastEnders was on the verge of cancellation there, but WETA listened to the appeals of fans, and gave the show another chance. Fans raised the money needed to pay the BBC’s licensing fee for two years! Now it’s time to re-up, and so WETA is making their appeal on-air. I hope that all you EastEnders fans in the WETA area will support keeping EastEnders on this fine PBS Station. For more info, go to: www.weta.com.

If you’d like to keep up with all things EastEnders, in between issues of Union Jack, then you simply MUST sign up for the FREE, weekly e-newsletter from E20 Launderette. To sign up, just drop me a line at: dgishcabibble20@aol.com.

Signed, Your Faithful Reporter,
Deborah Gilbert AKA Ishcabibble