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WE BEGIN with a missing Ian. We
know where he is: He was locked in an abandoned apartment block by
bad seed Steven. He leaves him there and then turns up in the
Square to visit with his family (or so he says) like nothing
happened, not saying where Ian is even though everyone is frantic
to find him. Once he gets his feet under the table, he sets out
making mischief. Turns out things weren’t so peachy with Simon
in New Zealand and he blames Ian. He wants revenge and takes Lucy
with him to see Ian, wanting her to witness him killing him. But
Lucy sneaks out and calls Jane, and she rides to the rescue. In
the scuffle that ensues, Jane is accidentally shot. When the cops
arrive, Lucy gives them a story about it being an unknown intruder
and Ian has to lie to protect her. But, sadly for Jane, in true
Soap fashion the bullet caused the doctors to have to give her a
hysterectomy (just as she and Ian had decided they want more
kids). Ian realises that Steven is seriously mentally ill, and has
him committed to a mental hospital where he thinks he’ll
stay locked away.
Elsewhere around the Square ...
Annoying Heather is now rooming with Shirley, working at the
mini-mart, and (like a puppy dog in heat) stalking poor, hapless
Garry. Chelsea and Deano are tried and convicted and sent to jail
for lying to the Old Bill about Patrick’s mugging. Darren
returns to Walford and tries to resume his ‘friendship’ with
Libby, but she ain’t havin’ it.
Phil finally sorts himself out,
stops drinking and takes Ben away for a holiday. He leaves without
knowing that Peggy is so heavily in debt that she might lose the
Vic. Bill collectors have come to repossess all her new furniture,
and loan sharks are circling, trying to get her to sign over the
Vic. She even hires Sean to tear up the Vic, steal the contents of
the stock room and sell it all over London so she can collect the
insurance money. That doesn’t work out (natch) because she can’t
file a police report, and insurance agents these days aren’t as
dumb as TV writers, even when they are written by TV writers. Not
to mention that we can’t figure out how Sean took the contents
of the stock room and shlepped it all around London without any
sort of vehicle. Details! But newfound cousins Roxy and Ronnie
jump to the rescue and weasel the needed cash out of Roxy’s ex-fiance
with a bait-and-switch scheme (with Roxy being the bait). So the
Vic is safe for now ...
As Doomsday (aka the wedding of
Bradley and Stacey) approaches, there is a whole lot of arguing
going on. Bradley’s mother appears in the Square to help with
the preparations and needle the woman that Max left her for
pregnant Tanya. Max is still trying to convince Stacy to break
Bradley’s heart. But Stacy ain’t havin’ it neither. She says
she loves Bradley and wants Max to leave her alone, even though we’re
given hints that summink is lacking in the bedroom where young
Bradley is concerned. And to complicate things, Max’s younger
brother, Jack, a copper, appears in the Square (won’t the
Slaters be thrilled to have a policeman in the family?). Some more
bad news; Jim has had a stroke while away visiting Carol. (This
was written in because John Bardon, the actor who plays Jim, had a
stroke in real life). Max has also been snapping at daughter
Lauren, who has been given the assignment of videotaping the
wedding on the camera she bought with Max’s stolen credit card
number. On the big day, she sets it hidden on a shelf, recording,
in the room where Stacy is getting dressed and forgets to take it
to the church.
On the same day, Sean finally
susses out what’s been going on with Max and threatens to expose
all. He has ulterior motives, of course, in that he wants Tanya
for himself. They’ve had a few, shall we say, ‘moments’; a
fleeting look… a furtive kiss … but always followed by Tanya
catching herself just in the nick of time. Now Sean asks her if
things were different, would she have wanted him and she says no.
So he doesn’t expose all, but just refuses to walk Stacy down
the aisle, telling her it’s all a lie. Uncle Charlie fills in.
Then, at that moment when the vicar asks the question, ‘If
anyone here sees any just cause why …” (you know the deal),
Stacy turns, looks at Sean, then runs off. After some convincing,
she comes back and goes through with the rest of the ceremony,
attributing the bolt to nerves. But afterwards, when she goes back
to the house, alone, to change for the airport, Max follows her
and unbeknownst to them, the unseen videocam is still running
while Max tries one last time to seduce Stacy. We all smell an
impending Sharon-gate in the offing ...
In real life, you’ll be happy to
know that John Bardon is making great strides in recovering from
his stroke. Everyone who adores this very nice man remains
positive he’ll have a full recovery, and the producers have left
the door open for his return. And if you’d like to keep up with
all things EastEnders in between issues of UJ News,
just sign up for our FREE, weekly EastEnders e-newsletter.
Write us at: dgishcabibble20@aol.com.
Signed,
Your Faithful Reporter,
Deborah Gilbert AKA Ishcabibble |
