THIS MONTH saw the most violent and disturbing scenes EVER in the history of EastEnders. But first...

Bradley and Stacy return from their honeymoon and are immediately set upon by annoying relatives. They think they’ll have Dot’s house to themselves (while she’s away) but Stacy’s loony mum shows up begging to stay because of problems in her flat. And to make things worse, Bradley gets laid off from his job. But he finds a new one: Market inspector, for the Bridge Street market.

Things are going along well with Jason and Jay, so summink has to muck it up – Jason’s old mob associates show up, demanding he return to them. He says he can’t; he has his boy now. They don’t take it lightly. They come to the Square looking for him to teach him a lesson. One spies him in the Vic, but before he gets back with the wrecking crew, Jason leaves. Not knowing this – here come those violent scenes – the band of yobs burst through the doors of the Vic with bats and pipes, smashing everything and everyone in sight, looking for Jason. They are convinced that the terrorised pub goers are hiding him and hold them hostage until Jason walks in. They then take him to the storeroom to beat him, until pregnant Honey walks in to save him and accidentally gets hit in the stomach, causing her to go into labour as the yobs flee ... Honey delivers a healthy baby, but soon after she and Billy get evicted from their flat by the new owners. Jane gets out of hospital, but they aren’t telling anyone what really happened to her. They are claiming she had a burst appendix. They think that Steven is locked away in the loony bin indefinitely, but he requests a visit from Pat, who falls for his act, thinks he’s gotten better (with medication), and so she signs him out, saying he can live with her. As soon as he gets there, he throws a scary fit, and tosses out all the pills. At first they keep his presence on the Square a secret, but how long can Pat hide an 18-year-old boy (especially at her age)? Ian wants nothing to do with him and warns him off (repeatedly). Pat defends him; she suggests he take over Deano’s market stall (since he’s otherwise engaged). But Steven doesn’t like all the old tat that is Deano’s stock. He convinces Pat to lend him two grand to buy new stock – cool, new t-shirts and clothing: A big problem for Stacy and her clothing stall next door. And it gets worse when he takes all the business with his low prices. Turns out he’s selling everything at cost, just to annoy everyone. One night his stall is destroyed and he loudly blames both Stacy and Ian, claiming he’s called the police. But Ian finds out he hasn’t, and requests to see the nearby CCTV tape. Turns out Steven smashed his own stall ... Elsewhere, Ronnie and Roxie reopen the old club, ‘Scarlett’s,’ as ‘R and R.’

Phil returns, and is exerting new muscle around the Square with Jason as his reluctant enforcer. (The yobs had returned to finish Jason off, but Phil called the old Bill, and now he tells Jason that he owns him). Phil wants to fence stolen cars and tries to force Kevin to do it (not telling him they’re stolen), but he’s not interested. Phil then says he’s jacking up the rent on the car lot, making it unaffordable, and overnight has Jason smash the windows of every car on the lot.

Elsewhere, Kevin gets a notification from the prison where Deano is incarcerated, telling him that he’s been beaten up. When they (Kevin, Carly and Shirley) go to visit, Deano waves it off as nothing, trying to play the hard man and pretending he was the one who attacked someone else. But Deano’s personality is clearly changing. He’s terrified, depressed and losing hope. To cheer him up, Kevin promises him they’ll go on a trip around the world when he gets out, and Deano is cheered up as they start fantasizing about the itinerary.

But Kevin has no funds to pay for that trip, so in desperation he decides to take Phil up on his offer. It’s Darren who susses out that the cars are dodgy, and eventually Kevin catches on. He tries to put a stop to it but realizes he can’t if he wants to stay in business and save for the trip for Deano. So hot cars it is.

It was hard to describe how violent and disturbing those Vic smashing scenes were. When they aired in the UK, the BBC was flooded with many hundreds of complaints. I personally hope they don’t do anything like that again. Everyone knows that the only things you are supposed to do in the Vic is drink and loudly announce, to surprised onlookers, who’s sleeping with whom.

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Your Faithful Reporter,
Deborah Gilbert AKA Ishcabibble