Today’s Britain

Dumbbell Utensils To ‘Cut Through’ The Fat

NEW CUTLERY is thought to help one lose weight as one tucks into a nice meal.

At least, that’s the claim from Firebox, the developer of the eating utensils. “This cutlery and dumbbell mix is designed for fitness fans with a sense of humour,” a spokesman said.

Diners will now be able to tone up as they eat thanks to the launch of the bizarre cutlery set.

The Eat Fit Cutlery set attaches dumbbells to a knife, fork and spoon, reported Metro.

The hefty chrome knife and fork weigh 1kg each – the equivalent of a bag of sugar.

And the spoon weighs twice as much at 2kg – heavier than a complete 32-piece set of stainless steel cutlery.

Eat Fit Cutlery, which costs £89.99 for a three piece set, is said to be aimed at “gluttons in need of a work out”.

Quickie Divorces Now Available, After A Journey

MARRIAGE not working within first day? Couples shouldn’t worry, they can now divorce as early as within 24-hours of tying the knot . . . assuming they’re willing to jump on a plane to the Caribbean.

Legal firm said there is strong demand as uncontested divorces take three to five months in the UK. The £4,500 deal includes return flights to the Dominican Republic, a hotel room, lawyer and court costs.

Only one person needs to travel, with the other signing over power of attorney, reported the Daily Telegraph.

The country’s quick turnaround of divorces has already attracted US couples, with singer Mariah Carey splitting from music executive Tommy Mottola there in 1998.

Founder of the website Aimee Edwards, 26, said: “Why should divorce take so long and be so expensive for couples when they both agree to it?”

But Norman Wells, director of the Family Education Trust, said: “Any system that allows swift, no-fault divorces devalues marriage.”

Modern Kids ‘Can’t Take’ Old Fairy Tales – Research Shows

MODERN children’s parents are being advised against reading old fairy tales to their offspring, as they are often too scary for the children.

Research revealed one in five parents has scrapped classics such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves in favour of more modern books. While, one third of parents said children have been left in tears after hearing the gruesome details of Little Red Riding Hood.

And nearly half of mothers and fathers refuse to read Rumplestiltskin to their kids as the themes of the story are kidnapping and execution. Similarly, Goldilocks and the Three Bears was also a tale likely to be left on the book shelf as parents felt it condones stealing.

And 52 percent of parents said Cinderella didn’t send a good message to their children as it portrays a young woman doing housework all day.

The survey of 2,000 adults was commissioned to mark the launch of the hit US drama GRIMM, which features six gritty episodes based on traditional fairytales.

Town Closed By Police Due To Disruptive Zombies

AN ENTIRE town centre was closed by police following emergency calls reporting a gunman being on the loose.

The police later discovered that the “near emergency” was just students making a zombie movie.

The teenagers were filming for a college project in Woking, Surrey, when police were called to reports of a possible armed robbery.

Passers-by had called 999 after spotting one of the students “running around with a gun”, reported the Daily Telegraph.

Police closed off the High Street and surrounding roads and cordoned off the area as they chased down the suspects. A spokesman for Surrey Police said: “We can confirm that an area of Woking town centre was cordoned off following a report of suspicious activity. Officers quickly established that the man was a student who was part of a group and that the item that had been seen was a toy gun. Strong words of advice were given to the group of students.”

Local Greg Abbott, 31, said: “It would have been funny had it not caused so much disruption to the town centre.

Valentine’s Stimulating Treat Of Testicle Pie

A DISH created for Valentine’s Day was on sale last month – containing Bull’s testicles.

Chef Charlie Bigham was promoting hiss Cock and Bull Pie as an alternative to traditional romantic food such as asparagus and oysters.

The cooking instructions for the pie encourage people to “turn off the phone, light those candles, slip into something more comfortable”.

Bull testicles are said to be full of ‘sexually stimulating ingredients’ and have a long history of being used in Chinese traditional medicine for that purpose.

The pie, which also contained ginseng and Mama Juana liquor, was being sold by

There were no reports on sales figures as UJ went to press.

Tourist Sue Returns Home With A ‘Tale’ To Tell

A BRITISH tourist inadvertently carried a lizard in her suitcase when returning from Western Africa last month.

The poor reptile survived the 3,000-mile flight in a suitcase only to find itself about to be tossed into a washing machine. Fortunately Sue Banwell-Moore spotted the six-inch Chioninia lizard motionless on her laundry floor.

Banwell-Moore said: “I looked down and there was this lizard on the floor. I did scream, I was just so shocked, I couldn’t believe how it had got there,” she said.

“I touched it and it didn’t move – it was very cold – and I thought maybe it was dead.”

After covering the lizard with a saucepan for her son to pick up later, she took a “little peek” and to her surprise found he had moved.

“I thought “Oh my God, he’s alive”,” she added. “We kept him all night in the box and kept the heating up all night to keep him warm. I realised what the poor thing had been through, and I sort of fell in love with him.”

Larry, as she named the creature, has now completed the last part of his journey – to the Tropiquaria Wildlife Park in Watchet, where he will spend the rest of his days.

Guernsey’s Olympic Light Rings Created By Artist

A PSYCHEDELIC version of the Olympic rings has been created by light painter David Gulliver to celebrate the upcoming Games.

Gulliver spent £10,000 and 250 nights over the last three years creating incredible images at night on the island of Guernsey.

Light painting is a technique which involves taking photographs with a camera mounted on a tripod using long exposure times. The artist uses a hand held light source to “paint” within the photograph while it is being taken.

Gilliver said: “I am still amazed by the whole process of light painting every time I venture out to make new work.

“Some of my work has also been met with a certain level of scepticism. I think some people are not convinced that I do not use Photoshop to add the lights to my images.

“I can wholeheartedly confirm that I create all of the lights you see in my photographs on location. No trickery is ever used to add or subtract any lights from my photographs.”

Search for Britain’s Worst Photo Snapper

HUNDREDS of photos depicting heads out of frame, horrible holiday snaps and many other “atrocious” images are being sorted through in a quest to find Britain’s worst photographer.

The competition was launched by photo experts Red Cloud Days, who provide professional photography courses, on-line tutorials and workshops for budding snappers.

A shortlist has now been drawn up and members of the public are being invited to vote for the winner who will receive a free day’s photography training. founder, Lee Brown, is thrilled the competition has caught the imagination of prospective photographers across the UK. He said: “The photos have certainly bought a smile to our faces. We love the bad wedding pics – we’ve seen a lot of shots of headless brides. I’m just surprised so many people fail to realise they haven’t got people in shot before they click the button.

“It also amazed me that so many people keep the shots – maybe they like to look back on them when they’re in need of a laugh.”

Man City Fan, 88, Lives Her Mascot Dream

CELIA HODKIN, a lifelong Manchester City fan saw her ambition achieved last month when she was the club’s matchday mascot.

Hodkin’s 88th birthday became even more special after her daughter Cath contacted the club to arrange the big day.

Hodkin, who has been watching Man City since 1933, met the team before the game against Fulham. She also enjoyed a tour of the Etihad stadium, a signed football from City legend Mike Summerbee and a birthday cake after the final whistle.

Hodkin, of New Moston, Manchester, now watches games on TV as she cares for husband Syd, 91.

She said: “I first saw City when I was nine. It’s not been easy supporting them all these years.”

Animal Art Exhibition Impresses In London

NO, IT’S NOT the zoo, it’s an art show for animals.

Although odd, nobody can call one of London’s most unusual art exhibitions boring.

Chimpanzees, elephants and apes are involved in creating the exhibits, as are other species.

Instead of being the subjects, the animals are the artists for the exhibition at University College London’s Grant Museum of Zoology.

The show features paintings by elephants and apes. Curators say it’s one of the first shows to bring the “work” of different species together. It shows the difference in artistic approach by different creatures.

Elephants can produce images that clearly resemble trees and flowers, whereas apes take a more abstract approach.

Sex Shop Front Door Moved To Save Embarrassment

A SEX SHOP in Hertfordshire has created a secluded side entrance to save customers from being subjected to loud cheers from a nearby pub.

The adult shop in Apsley made the adjustment because of the ribald jeers customers received from the The Bull pub opposite. Customers were often shocked and embarrassed as pub customers issued loud yells and catcalls, reported the Daily Telegraph.

Landlady Nicola Green, 47, said: “As soon as you open that door it goes ‘ding!’ When that bell goes people in here cheer, so the shop moved the entrance round the side. Most of our customers are builders and you know what they are like. So they did the sensible thing in the end.”

The Private Shop has been open for around 20 years but bosses admitted “banter” from the pub meant they had to put in the side door. Customers can still use the front door but most choose the side door which has no bell and a wooden screen around it.

David Brunt, a spokesman for the shop’s owners, said: “In the summer when there are people outside, they do tend to make comments about people. It’s ribaldry, it’s light-hearted banter.”

One 46-year-old customer of the shop, who did not wish to be named, said: “It was all a bit of fun, but it was terribly embarrassing.”

Newspaper Is Regularly Enjoyably ‘Digested’ By Pregnant Woman

THERE ARE many unusual cravings that affect a pregnant woman, but Ann Curran didn’t expect she’d be eating the local newspaper, she told the Sun.

Curran, 35, of Dundee, munches her way through copies of the Dundee Evening Telegraph, specifically.

She says it is the only “only newsprint with the proper flavour” and that she “stashes shredded copies in her handbag for emergency snacks”.

Curran said: “I could be sitting in the bingo hall and I’ll start ripping out pages of the newspaper.

“All the people look at me going, ‘What is she doing?’. I tear the white bits off the edges of the pages and keep them in a bag so I can eat them while I’m shopping.”

The Sunday Sun reports that she stocks up on copies of the paper during the week so she has enough to eat at the weekends. She added: “If you shredded up lots of different bits of paper, I would know exactly which one was the Evening Telegraph.

“My pals keep papers for me but I have to buy a couple of extras to get me through the weekend.”

Video Suggests Nessie Could Have Relative In Iceland

WHAT HAS been described as Iceland’s answer to the Loch Ness Monster, was shown on video last month in Iceland.

The gigantic river worm video has “gone viral” on online. The creature was filmed winding its way through the Jokulsa river in the Fljotsdal valley and posted online by Icelandic broadcaster RUV.

It has since notched up more than a million hits with many viewers heralding it as proof of the legend of the Lagarfljot river worm.

Mentions of Iceland’s mythical sea creature can be traced back through the country’s folklore to 1345. According to the legend, a small heather worm was put onto a golden ring so that the precious metal would grow and so in turn the ring.

However, when the owner of the ring returned he found, to his horror, that the ring was no bigger but that the worm had in fact grown enormously. The owner then threw the ring and worm into Lagarfljot river where the creature continued to grow and grow.

The video of the creature was taken by local resident Hjortur Kjerulf and appears to show something meandering its way through the waters.

But cynics claim it is an old net, thawing out after becoming frozen in the water and snaking its way through the river.




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